Well, the last weeks were pretty heavy. I mean HEAVY. I mean heavy fucking freaking metal heavy "new heavy material from outer space" heavy. Now is the time to think about this. So what I did 1 minute ago: I made myself a beautiful gin tonic with ice cubes (more ice balls...), sat down, put in good music and started to write.
I dont want to write the things that happened. I dont want to write the good or the bad things. I just want to say: I am on the up-wave again. Well, still pretty, pretty at the beginning of the up phase, but still I can see the light again, so here (just like always) is the point:
These days I felt this feeling that is described as the "black holes of minds". You dont know about that? It is the feeling, when you can not see any escape from your situation. I mean NO FUCKING WAY OUT. It feels like a dead end of life.
So hey, you can see that I am writing. And I guess you can see that I am writing pretty positive actually. Ask me a week ago, if I would think, that things are gonna get better one day. Guess what I´d have said: "No... fuck no. Never. I....". Well, and then I would have shut up, maybe pulled out a tiny tear of my dehydrated eyes, and I would have gone back to my bed. The only "save place" in those kind of days.
But here I am.
Man, not much has been solved. There are still most of the problems there. I can see them. I can feel them. But the most important thing for solving or better for confronting problems, is a clear, positive mind. And I did not have this mind in the last couple of weeks (and so on and so on). You guys know how much I could write now about this topic. But I wont. What I will do is grab my guitar and write a couple of songs. Maybe record it. I´ll let you know. Some have already been written in some early hours when I could not sleep.
So again: the point. The important part. The thing, you have to read and believe:
Dont think there is no way out. This is just not true! There is a way out. Your problems might not be solved by time or anything, but your soul and your mental health will heal with time. Then you will be stronger than ever and you might change your life a bit and you might solve one problem after another.
Good luck to everyone who feels or felt the same way.
Good luck and trust me: it will get better. Don´t give up.
Never give up!
PS: the only thing that is really hard is the fact, that the college times are over and that it will probably hurt me, to listen to college rock the next few month (or years....i hope not). I´m talking bout Jimmy Eat world and so on. The tunes of the good times. Man, how I will miss those years.